{"id":342111,"date":"2025-11-29T01:28:24","date_gmt":"2025-11-28T21:28:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/epress.am\/?p=342111"},"modified":"2025-11-29T02:26:07","modified_gmt":"2025-11-28T22:26:07","slug":"dila-zara-and-kuka","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/2025\/11\/29\/dila-zara-and-kuka.html","title":{"rendered":"Hair and Lip Fillers Off, Chest Flattened \u2014 I Go to See My Folks"},"content":{"rendered":"

According to the dictionary, a \u201chouse\u201d is a residential or non-residential building, \u201cone\u2019s own place,\u201d \u201ca family,\u201d \u201cpeople living together and running a household.\u201d Sometimes a house is not a home at all, but an institution serving public needs (House of Culture), or a lineage \u2014 a House of ancestors, or it\u2019s \u201ca place where people united by shared interests and conditions of life live\u201d (the homeland is our home!). Dictionaries also mention income houses built for renting out, plus a whole pack of idioms like \u201cfeeling at home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At first, Kuka, Dila, and I were talking about housing. None of us really has a \u201chome,\u201d though we aren\u2019t considered homeless. We Googled \u201cthe feeling of a home\u201d together. Psychology sites spat out odd definitions: \u201ca complex sense of safety,\u201d \u201cbelonging,\u201d \u201cinner harmony.\u201d I kept steering the conversation toward economics. Friends told me that trans women were renting the most expensive apartments in the city \u2014 the cheap ones are in high demand, and landlords prefer \u201cmore normative\u201d tenants. I\u2019d also heard that many trans people end up on the street at a young age \u2014 \u201cthe family doesn\u2019t accept them, or they run away.\u201d And for many, there\u2019s this ready-made infrastructure out of poverty \u2014 sex work.\u00a0 <\/span>Kuka and Dila laughed at my questions, <\/span>my generalizations smelled like na\u00efvet\u00e9 and arrogance. They told me this later. \u201cStories differ,\u201d \u201cdon\u2019t make us all into one tragedy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 I grew up in a dorm. Eighteen square meters, first\u00a0 for three of us, then for four. My mom had a baby at forty, and I got a younger brother. The big problem was the shared yard, the long corridors, everyone in each other\u2019s business \u2014 and when you\u2019re fifteen, the boys in the hood are a real threat. The dorms housed ex-factory workers, ex-inmates, alcoholics, and folks who simply couldn\u2019t afford better. And since I was just a regular gay boy, there was no adapting happening. During the day my mom worked, my dad slept after his night shift in the bakery, and I watched my brother. I moved out once he got older. Fourteen years ago. Eleven years ago I transitioned. I mostly lived with friends all this time.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 What did you take with you from home?
\n<\/span>Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 Clothes, my prayer book, and my diary. I used to go to the evangelical church. I don\u2019t anymore, but still believe in God.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Alright, storytime! I was born in a village, lived with my family, moved to Yerevan at sixteen, and have been renting ever since. Living with my parents wasn\u2019t bad. There was zero freedom, which meant fewer problems. I never had this urge to fight with my family. I just wanted to move to Yerevan. When I grew up enough I left. My mom calls almost every day. Sometimes I visit: \u0570air removed, fillers out, chest flattened \u2014 I go to see my folk.<\/span> But I don\u2019t feel a sense of home anywhere.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 And what happened with the police?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 A client came over, faked feeling sick, called his buddy. They beat me and stole my iPhone. I went to the police. After questioning me, the police came with a search warrant \u2014 to my place, not theirs. I had ten thousand dollars under my mattress \u2014 I don\u2019t have a bank account, I keep everything cash because I\u2019m saving for surgery. The officer goes, \u201cWhere\u2019d you get all that?\u201d \u201cI earned it,\u201d I say. \u201cSo, illegal income then!\u201d They took the money. The landlord kicked me out, pretending he \u201cneeded to renovate.\u201d
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Did they give the money back?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 A couple of months later, yes. They caught the guys who stole the phone \u2014 there\u2019ll be a trial. I lived in that apartment for four years. Amazing location \u2014 right by the Russian embassy. And people don\u2019t really clock me: neighbors, shopkeepers \u2014 no clue I\u2019m trans. The previous landlord didn\u2019t know either. Another trans woman lived in the building; when I was attacked, she was the first to help. But in this new building? Zero trans girls. And the building keeper spies on me constantly.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 I had a client who kept mixing up doors and barged into the neighbor\u2019s. She complained, and the landlord threw me out. More often they evict people because of dogs, though. Sometimes I lived in the same flat for five years \u2014 nothing happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I love my current home so much, knock on wood! It\u2019s safe \u2014 barely any neighbors. I live with a friend. The rooms are walk-through, and since we both do sex-work, we have to coordinate schedules and negotiate constantly. Sometimes it gets tense. I\u2019d love to live alone. But living alone is more dangerous. People can snap from guilt alone. You never know what a client will do.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dila<\/em>. \u2014 When I first came to Yerevan, I handed out flyers and worked as a mascot \u2014 walking around the square in a bear costume. I waited tables at an Iranian restaurant. Met a gay guy online, and we rented a place together on Nar-Dos street \u2014 where they sell coffins. Neither of us had money.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then we moved to Tigran Mets \u2014 my favorite home ever. That\u2019s when I started doing gigs. I\u2019d go down the hallway in a black hoodie so neighbors wouldn\u2019t notice makeup. Sometimes I\u2019d do my face in the car.<\/span><\/p>\n

A couple of years ago I decided I\u2019m going to live alone. I don\u2019t get lonely, as there\u2019s always a lot to do \u2014 salons, pedicures, monthly waxing, cosmetic appointments\u2026 plus clients calling nonstop. If they have little money, they come to me; if they have more, we go to a hotel.<\/span><\/p>\n

I transitioned pretty late. I did it because life was bad. And because I wanted to do sex work. In Armenia, men like trans women. An Armenian guy won\u2019t go to a gay man, won\u2019t go to a \u201cregular worker,\u201d but he\u2019ll come to a trans girl. They also like Russians.<\/span><\/p>\n

For me this way is simpler. Some people say, \u201cWe were forced into this.\u201d I wasn\u2019t. Let\u2019s not lie to each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"1-01\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 It\u2019s true: trans women used to rent the most expensive apartments in the city \u2014 350\u2013400 thousand drams a month. Landlords knew nobody else would pay that. But the economy changed. More people do sex work now, so prices dropped. Sometimes we charge 10 thousand, sometimes 40. I used to make 100\u2013150 thousand a day; now that\u2019s rare.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Russian girls rent place for three thousand dollars a month. They work with \u201coffices.\u201d They call it \u201cescort,\u201d but honestly it\u2019s the same \u2014 regular sex work.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Is escort more expensive?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Russians are more expensive. Armenians love Russians. Big demand.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Why do they love them?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Because Russians keep secrets. Like, if an Armenian guy gives her head she won\u2019t spread it around \u2014 she\u2019ll just go have a shot of vodka. That\u2019s called a \u201cbusiness secret.\u201d
\n<\/span><\u2026>
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 And what do you mean when you ask about \u201chome\u201d? What\u2019s that supposed to be?
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 I don\u2019t even know myself. Something connected to safety.
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 I want to buy a house. When I\u2019m old and can\u2019t work anymore \u2014 who\u2019s going to pay the rent?
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 What kind of house do you want?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 A regular one. A one-room apartment like this. Batter with heating.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 And that huge teddy bear? You\u2019d need at least a two-room place for him!
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 A client gave it to me.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 He fell in love?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 I don\u2019t think so. Falling in love with a client? That\u2019s fairy-tale stuff.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 It\u2019s hard for me to live alone.
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Not for me. And live with who? With a boyfriend? No way. We\u2019d fight nonstop. And what, if a client comes I\u2019ll tell him \u201cwait in the bathroom\u201d? Absolutely not.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 After I moved out, my family stayed in the dorm. I\u2019ve been doing sex work eleven years, saving money from the start. I didn\u2019t want my little brother growing up there. A couple years ago we bought an apartment! My mom sold her room and I covered the rest. But I don\u2019t live there. <\/span><\u2026> Sometimes it feels like all I do is complain about the dorm.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Was there anything good there?
\n<\/span>Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 I had two best friends. One\u2019s married now, the other lives in Russia, also gay. And the married one was my first partner. But he isn’t gay. We wore skinny jeans just to annoy the neighbors!
\n<\/span>Zara. <\/em>\u2014 Do you still talk?
\n<\/span>Kuka<\/em>. \u2014 Yes. When rumors started that someone saw me on my spot, everyone kinda turned against me. My mom pretended she heard nothing. He didn\u2019t say a bad word.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dila<\/em>. \u2014 By the way, the landlady here knows I\u2019m trans. She\u2019s a famous actress. Don\u2019t mention her name! The realtor told her, and she said, \u201cNot a problem for me. Let her live and do what she wants.\u201d I\u2019ve been here almost a year.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"2-01<\/a><\/p>\n

Dila<\/em>. \u2014 I bought a new bag yesterday. Want to see?
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Show me what\u2019s in you bag.
\n<\/span>Dila. \u2014 This is my wallet \u2014 got it on Wildberries. I have addiction to marketplaces. Here\u2019s a charger I regularly lend my friend Lili. Deodorant \u2014 shower, spritz-spritz, done. And I\u2019ve got a safety knife too!<\/span><\/p>\n

(phone rings) <\/span>Hello\u2026 Hi\u2026 I\u2019m good, you?\u2026 Cutie, I meet for fifty thousand, one or two rounds, either at mine or at a hotel \u2026 Yes, I\u2019m trans \u2026 No, I can’t go cheaper \u2026\u00a0 Sweetie, save up and call \u2026 Yes \u2026 Sex, blowjob, massage … Are you a slave? … If you\u2019re looking for something for ten thousand, try somewhere else \u2026 Bye.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Zara<\/em>. \u2014 He tried to bargain?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 Of course.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Let me see the knife? Oh wow!
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 It opens with a button. Careful. You keep it on you so people don\u2019t get bold. And this is lube.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Localy produced?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 No, but the \u201cNew Generation\u201d hands it out.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 I have the same lip balm! Pharmacy one. Ugly packaging.
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 But the shine is amazing! I outline with pencil and then only this. And these are, well, supplements for erection.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 Viagra?
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 No, newer stuff. \u201cVigara.\u201d Better. Viagra is bad for heart and you can’t mix it with alcohol.
\n<\/span>Zara<\/em>. \u2014 So much new info!
\n<\/span>Dila<\/em>. \u2014 And this is my perfume \u2014 travel size. Spray and off you go. The mirror\u2019s from my friend \u2014 mine broke. You\u2019re not supposed to carry a broken one, bad luck.
\n<\/span>Zara. \u2014 And this?
\n<\/span>Dila. \u2014 Condoms. Every worker has them.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People don\u2019t really clock me: neighbors, shopkeepers \u2014 no clue I\u2019m trans.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":342108,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tstyn_error":""},"categories":[65981,66053,65988,66047,65974],"tags":[91280,92867,39715,91063],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342111"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=342111"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342111\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/342108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=342111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=342111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/epress.am\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=342111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}